


Waking Up

by WinterPhantom



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Minor mentions of violence in Chapter 4, Okay this ended up more angsty than I thought, Reader-Insert, everyone is friends because this is my world and everything is happy, maybe the rest of the avengers will make an appearance, never written anything before, not sure how this works hopefully I'm doing it right, nothing graphic though, this will mostly be fluff but a bit of angst I guess, yay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-01 01:04:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8601133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterPhantom/pseuds/WinterPhantom
Summary: Reader is an avenger. Reader is hurt on a mission and temporarily loses her memories. Bucky feels guilty. Tony likes nicknames. I'm not 100% sure where this is going.





	1. Waking Up

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies because this is my first ever fic and I don't really know what I'm doing, but I hope you enjoy anyways. It's pretty cliché and obviously not how an injury like this would actually work but... *shrugs* I don't intend this to be long, maybe 2 or 3 parts. Any sort of feedback is welcome if you're into that. Thanks for reading!

The first thing you do when you wake up is stretch your arms above your head. You know it's morning because you can see light through your still closed eyes. When you open them, you see a white ceiling that doesn't seem all that familiar. You hear some kind of beeping.

You realize that this isn’t your bed. You don’t know where you are. You can’t remember.

You wonder where you are, and how you got there. But for some reason, you don't panic. No, you recognize this place somewhere in the back of your mind. You know it's safe. 

You sit up slowly, a bit of a pain in your head and stiffness in your legs. You bring your eyes down to a crowd of faces staring at you intently from across the room. 

"Y/N?" One of them asks tentatively. He has short dark hair and brown eyes. He's a bit older looking than most of the people in your room.

You recognize your name, and you recognize these people, but you can't think of anything about them, names included. However, you know you aren't afraid.

"I know you…?” You say softly. Your voice sounds a little strange. You aren't sure if that was a question or a statement. 

The man nods. You slowly trail your eyes around the room. You spot a man with longer brown hair and kind looking eyes, and some other faces that you aren’t sure if you recognize yet. Against the opposite wall, a near-giant man stands wearing clothes that seem a little out of place. His hair is long and golden. He smiles encouragingly at you. In the middle of the room stands a tall, handsome blonde-haired man. His eyes are a clear blue and they seem a bit damp. He gives you a small, sad smile. A name jumps into your head.

"Steve!" You exclaim.

His smile brightens at this and he nods his head. He takes a few steps towards you, standing at the end of the bed. You're in some sort of private hospital room or something.

"Good job Princess, you remember Capsicle!" The first man quips. You know his name. It takes effort, but after concentrating for a few seconds...

"Tony." You say as you point to him.

"That's Mr. Stark, to you." He says with a wink.

You pause, trying to remember something more about them. But your memory seems to blank.

The quiet, kind-looking man standing near Tony speaks up.

"Y/N... There was a mission. Things got out of control, and you ended up hurt. You hit your head, and it seems that you've temporarily lost most of your memories. You're doing well already though, so it shouldn't be long before they start coming back to you. You’re back at the tower, where we live. If you feel any discomfort or feel like your condition is worsening, please let me know. You got all that, Y/N?" He speaks quietly, but you understand everything.

"Head trauma, temporary amnesia. Got it. Thank you... Dr. Banner."

He smiles a little at your response, and then turns and starts to leave the room.

"Maybe we could have a bit of fun with this..." Tony remarks as he's leaving. He has a mischievous look in his eyes, but you can tell he's joking. 

"Tony..." Dr. Banner says quietly before leaving. 

At almost the same time, Steve spits "Don't you dare, Stark," at him.

He raises his hands in defeat. The other men (besides Steve) start laughing. 

You look at the smiling man to your left, near the wall. He grins at you, looking like a giant happy puppy. You hold back your laughter.

“Thor, Sam, and… Rhodes.” You say as your eyes travel around the room. 

From across the room, Tony quips "He's just my sidekick, no need to waste your energy on him," with a smirk.

You turn to look at him. 

"Tony Stark, jerk and pain in the ass."

The whole room bursts out laughing. 

Tony smiles wryly and says "I prefer genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, but it's nice to know that this hasn't changed you. You do love me, through."

"You wish, Stark." You joke back at him. 

More laughter. 

You noticed Steve, still standing at the edge of your bed, grinning down at you. 

"We're… good friends? I trust you." You don't need to ask that part. 

He nods again. 

"I'm glad you're okay, you had us all worried." You can tell he’s being sincere.

You smile at him, but as you look past him, you see another figure, standing in the corner of the room, watching. Your eyes meet two wide blue ones. 

"Bucky!" You gasp, as everyone turns to look at him.

-

"Ah, so you finally noticed Mr. Freeze over there," Tony remarks.

Bucky doesn't even respond, just looks down, leaning against a table at the back of the room. 

"He hasn't said much since the mission..." Tony continues, but pauses at the sight of your face as you search your mind for something, anything about Bucky. It's clearly not working.

"As much as I'd like to stay and chat, I think we'd better give Y/N a break. She looks like she might burst any second now. Also, we need to plan our next mission and quick, since the last one failed so badly," he says. The others nod, and everyone gets up. You grab Steve's arm and pull him towards you before he can leave.

"Bucky...?" You whisper to him.

"Your friend. My friend. He's a little... Unstable right now. Blames himself for what happened on that mission. He'll come around." Steve smiles at you, but his eyes seem a little troubled.

You nod, and he lays a hand on your shoulder before turning and following everyone else out of the room. Before Bucky leaves though, Tony turns to him. 

"You have to stay, Frosty. Someone needs to babysit Sleeping Beauty here while we're gone." 

Bucky's eyes widen. 

"I am the worst possible choice, Stark. Can't Banner or Rhodes stay?" He almost looks like he's pleading. 

"No can do, sergeant. I need my sidekick and I need Banner's brain. You can't expect me to do all the thinking myself.” 

"Call in Barton, or Natasha?" He suggests, quietly, but you can see the defeat in Bucky's eyes. 

Does he hate you or something?

"They're still out with Vision and Wanda, Barnes. Besides... You aren't in any shape to go on a mission right now." You can tell that that's true. He looks terrible. 

"What if I..." Bucky starts, and his eyes trail over to you before dropping to the ground again. 

"You won't." Tony interrupts. "See ya later, soldier." He turns, waves to you, and then you are alone with Bucky.

-


	2. Starting Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have some alone time with Bucky. You still don't remember him, and he still blames himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter is kind of short, I've been pretty limited on time but I wanted to get something up before my exams start. I'm hoping to do a lot more writing when they're over, so hopefully then I'll get the last chapter/few chapters of this up. Until then, I hope you enjoy this!
> 
> Thank you so much to anyone who left kudos/bookmarked/commented on the last chapter, you guys are awesome and I'm so glad that at least some people are enjoying my writing. :D Shout out to my best friend for encouraging me to post this, lol.

_Well this is awkward…_ You think to yourself during the extensive silence that follows Tony’s departure. Bucky doesn’t even look at you, just stares at the ground and stays leaning on the table. 

Tony was right, he looks terrible. Well, actually… okay, so he’s incredibly good-looking. But he looks like has hasn’t slept in days and, from what you can see from behind the mess of hair hiding his face, the circles under his eyes seem almost black. You can’t deny that he’s still beautiful, though.

Your eyes slide over his broad shoulders, down his arm, and past the sleeve of his shirt you notice his hand… _glinting_? You realize it’s made of metal. You wonder how long he’s had a metal hand, or arm, or… however much of him is metal. You honestly can’t remember. 

Bucky catches you staring, glances at you for half a second, pulls down his sleeve and looks down.

_Great._ Now you’ve managed to make him even more uncomfortable.

For some reason you still don’t remember a thing about him; if he hates you, if he likes you, if you were friends, or… something else? You shut down those thoughts as soon as they come. _Not the time._

You clear your throat and look up at him, muster all the courage you can manage and…

“Uh, hi.” You croak out. _Wonderful._

Bucky swallows thickly and looks up at you, finally meeting your eyes. _Wow, they’re so blue…_

He sighs and rakes a hand through his hair, pushing it back from his face. You wonder briefly if he’ll even respond.

“I’m… so sorry.” He sounds broken. His voice is quiet and solemn.

_Wait, what?_

“Bucky, I… I don’t remember anything...” You trail off, unsure of what to say.

“And that’s my fault.” He looks down again, hair falling back in front of his eyes.

_Poor guy,_ you think. You wish you could make him feel better, but you don’t know what to say, how to console him.

Another awkward silence.

“Come here.” You say after a few more seconds, beckoning him to come closer.

“What?” He freezes and his eyes go wide again.

“Come. Closer. You’re too far away, I can hardly hear you.” You try your best to smile at him, and wonder why it is that your heart keeps fluttering.

He gingerly makes his way over to you, still keeping his distance from your bed. 

“I won’t bite, you know.” You grin up at him.

“No… it’s me.” He won’t look at you again.

Your smile falters.

“Listen, Bucky… I don’t remember that mission, or much of anything for that matter, but I’m sure you didn’t mean for anything to happen to me. I have a feeling… we were friends?” You can’t stand seeing him like this.

“Yeah… friends.” He replies after a short pause. _What’s that supposed to mean?_

“We weren’t… I mean, uh… were we?” You stutter. Your face is on fire.

“What?” He asks as he looks at you again, and as realization dawns, his eyes widen and you swear his cheeks flush a little bit. “No… uh, no.” 

“Tell me about us then.” You proceed tentatively, eager to move on from that.

He looks down at you questioningly, his eyebrows knitted.

“I don’t really remember anything about you. Tell me about yourself, tell me what we did together or talked about or… anything.” You look up hopefully.

He still looks skeptical.

“Please?” You smile at him again.

You swear he almost smiles back, then he pulls up a chair, spins it around, and sits on it backwards, still keeping some distance between you two.

“Fine.” He replies, his tone seeming a little brighter. “What do you want to know?”

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, and as always I appreciate any kind of feedback if you want to leave some! Next update should be in like a week and a half. Hope you enjoyed and have a good day/night! :)


	3. Remembering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You manage to get Bucky talking and make him forget about the mission for a while. Bucky has something to tell you. Which is exactly, of course, when you remember it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was a bit more delayed than I had planned, but I hope you guys enjoy!
> 
> Flashbacks and thoughts are in italics.

It takes you a second to come up with a question. Bucky eyes you intently.

“Um… When did we meet?” You’re _maybe_ finding it hard to think with Bucky finally holding your gaze.

“About a year ago, when you joined the team and moved into the tower,” he replies. He looks away from you now, and you wonder if he’s remembering that moment.

Something flashes through your mind.

_Steve._

_“Y/N, this is my best friend, Bucky.”_

_A small smile appears on his otherwise solemn face, then he lets his brown hair fall back over his pale eyes._

A memory? It’s gone before you can process it.

“Steve and Tony met you first, but that was the first time I saw you…” Bucky trails off and looks at you again. 

You feel like he’s searching your eyes for… something. You’re the one who breaks eye contact this time.

“So… we were friends.” You look at him again and he nods. “But were we friends right away, when we met?”

You swear Bucky almost chuckles at that. “No, not really. Although that mostly was my fault, not yours.”

_You walk into the gym, expecting to find it empty, and instead you are met with a shirtless James Buchanan Barnes, doing pull-ups. His back is faced towards you, and you can’t help but stare. Your eyes land on his arm… his metal arm. For the first time, you can see the scars where it connects to the rest of his body. He drops to the ground and turns, his eyes widening when he notices you. You freeze. Bucky quickly pulls on a sweater and brushes past you, eyes glued to the ground._

You try again to hold on to the memory, but it disappears just as quickly as the first one. You need to keep Bucky talking.

“Really? What changed, then?” You smile shyly at him, and to your surprise, he returns your smile. He looks thoughtful for a moment before answering.

“You… you were always so nice to me. Even when I tried to shut you out.”

_You pour the hot water into your mug and stir it around. When you turn around, Bucky is standing near the doorway._

_“Can’t sleep either?”_

_He shakes his head._

_“Want some hot chocolate?” You smile at him, holding out another mug._

_Bucky hesitantly nods and approaches the table. You fill the second mug and hand it to him. You both sit in comfortable silence while you finish your drinks._

_After you finish, you lay your mug in the sink and turn to go back to your room._

_“Goodnight, Bucky.”_

You snap back to reality and realize that Bucky is still talking.

“After you got close with Steve… I couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t want to. I wanted to be close to you too.” As he continues, more memories flood back into your mind.

_You, sitting between Bucky and Steve on the couch._

_“Please, Steve?” You give him your best puppy-dog eyes. “Bucky hasn’t seen it yet!”_

_You hold out your favorite movie._

_“Y/N, I watched it with you last week!” Steve exclaims._

_You pout, and Bucky chuckles at you. His laugh had quickly become one of your favorite sounds this past while. It was nice to finally see him smile._

_Steve does his best to look annoyed but grins anyways. “Fine, put it on.”_

“I guess I just couldn’t resist you, doll.” He smirks at you, and you can feel yourself blush. 

_Doll...?_ Suddenly, everything starts coming back to you.

_You almost throw the book you’re reading onto the ground when you hear someone come into the tower. You rush to the elevator door._

_“Steve! Bucky!” You say as it opens. Steve comes out first and pulls you into a hug._

_“I’m so glad you guys are okay,” you sigh as Steve releases you._

_“It was just a regular mission, Y/N. You shouldn’t worry so much.” He smiles at you._

_“I know.” You smile back, and Bucky drops his bags to the grand and hugs you with his flesh arm, keeping the metal one by his side._

_“I missed you, doll.” He holds you tightly, maybe for a few seconds longer than Steve did. You missed him too._

You’re certain there’s a twinge of sadness in Bucky’s eyes as he continues speaking, and the smile falls from his face. 

“I know you can’t remember me right now, but I… I need to tell you something.” He drops his eyes again, pushing his hair out of his face before looking back up meeting your gaze.

You can’t bring yourself to speak just yet, your mind still racing with memories of Bucky. So instead, you just nod.  


“Y/N, I…” He shakes his head, trying to get the words right. His eyes glisten as they sear into yours.

“You know, or at least you did, that I care about you. But I never told you how much. I have been so scared to open up to anyone for so long. I didn’t think I could… But with you, everything was different. I felt like myself again. I fell for you, doll. And that scared me too. I didn’t know if I could deal with the pain of telling you, if you didn’t feel the same way, but after what happened… The thought of losing you, of never being able to tell you how I felt, that was the most painful thing I could imagine. I know I messed everything up, I know I don’t deserve you, but doll…” Bucky pauses for a moment and swallows thickly.

“I love you.”

_The mission._

_“Y/N, Bucky, stick together. You know the plan, right?” Tony asks you before you all split up._

_You both nod._

_“Stay safe, guys.” Steve says before he turns to leave with Tony, placing a hand on each of your shoulders._

_Bucky turns to you. “Don’t worry, doll. I’ve got your back. I’ll keep you safe.”_

“Bucky, wait.” You stop him before he can say anything else.

He looks at you hopefully.

“I… I remember. Everything.” 

“The mission?” You can see the hope in his eyes fade.

You nod.

Bucky refuses to look at you. His hair hides his eyes, and you can no longer read his expression. When he speaks again, his voice is soft and solemn.

“I am so, so sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to leave you all on a bit of a cliffhanger there, lol. 
> 
> This chapter was hard for me to write because I've never written anything involving flashbacks before, but I hope I did okay anyways haha.
> 
> I want to thank you guys again for the kudos/comments/bookmarks and really just for reading. It means a lot to me! :) 
> 
> There is only one chapter left to this, which I hope to get up in the next week or so, but with it being the holiday season and all, I'm not sure how much time I'll have. I also might have a Christmas-themed Bucky x reader in mind that I'd like to get up before Christmas, so if I manage to write that, the last chapter might be delayed a bit more. But I promise it'll be up before the new year. 
> 
> Since this story is coming to an end, if you any of you guys like my writing and have any requests or ideas for what I should do next I'd love to hear them! 
> 
> Thank you so much and I hope you're all having a good holiday season so far. :)


	4. Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What actually happened on the mission? Was it really Bucky's fault? How does this end? You're about to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... I promised this would be up before New Years and then somehow got really busy, so here I am 2 months later. Sorry about that. I really hope you guys enjoy the final chapter; I worked hard on this one.
> 
> At last, the end. Flashbacks and thoughts in italics.

_“Stay close,” Bucky tells you as you round a corner._

_Before you can respond, you see HYDRA soldiers all around you._

_Bucky curses under his breath. They knew we were coming, you think. You meet Bucky’s eyes for a split second, filled with terror. Then you are alone, and you are surrounded._

_You don’t even have time to think before they are all over you. Shots are fired, arms and legs flying everywhere. You can’t call for backup, or even wonder if the rest of the team are ok._

_However, you and Bucky are both good fighters. You manage to hold your own. You can’t see Bucky, but by the number of agents being flung around the room, it seems he’s doing alright too. For a minute, you actually think that you’ll both make it out of this._

_Then you hear it._  
“желание.”  
_Longing._

_Time seems to slow down. You have no idea where the voice is coming from, but you certainly recognize the word._

_Bucky._

_At this moment, nothing else matters. You need to get to him. You need to help him._

_“ржaвый.”  
Rusted._

_You don’t know how they knew the words. You all thought that you’d eradicated any trace of them, and anyone who knew about them for that matter._

_More bodies fly past you. Bucky must have realized what was happening. He was going through these soldiers at an incredible pace._

_“Семнадцать.”  
Seventeen._

_The only thing you can think of is getting to him. You try fight your way through the remaining soldiers._

_“Рассвет.”  
Daybreak_

_You catch a glimpse of him, encircled by a thinning mob. You can’t even follow his movements, taking them down with tremendous speed. You can hear his metal arm whirring. The soldiers don’t even notice you._

_“Печь.”  
Furnace._

_Bucky’s eyes look distant. He’s not even looking at them, yet somehow still overpowers them with ease. He must be searching for the source of the voice. You call to him, but if he hears you, he doesn’t acknowledge it._

_“Девять.”  
Nine. _

_You’re so close. You call to him again, pushing through the bodies still separating you two. You reach out. Your fingers graze him… and…_

_“добросердечный.”  
Benign._

_…Black._

You replay the memory in your mind. Bucky is still staring at the ground.

“Buck, I…” you start, and Bucky finally brings his eyes back to your face. He looks like a puppy waiting to be scolded, wide-eyed and skittish. You clear your throat and speak again.

“Why do you keep apologizing? I can’t understand… how was any of this your fault?” you ask, genuinely confused.

He stares at you for a moment, surprised at your words. Then his expression darkens again, and he clenches his metal fist. His eyes follow its movements.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” he asks quietly.

When you tell him, Bucky inhales deeply and rakes a hand through his disheveled hair. He raises his metal arm slightly, and his gaze with it. His eyes bore into yours.

“It was me… this.” He flexes and clenches the hand again. He inhales again before speaking, not averting his eyes.

“I hit you—no, threw you into the wall. Knocked you out. I… I thought I killed you.” His voice breaks at the last part. 

“Bucky…” You reach for him, but he pulls away. He shakes his head and continues, that same guilty look spreading over his features. 

“I was trying to get back to you, but… When I heard those words, I couldn’t think straight. I just needed to make them stop… when you touched me, I didn’t even think. And when I saw you… I was so angry, at myself, at everyone… I got them all. Every one of them, shut up the one saying the words real quick… I needed to get back to you, carried you all the way back, didn’t know if you would ever wake up…” He’s speaking quickly, not forming coherent sentences, eyes darting around the room. He looks desperate and lost, like he wants to beg for your forgiveness but knows he shouldn’t.

“It’s not your faul—” you try to say, but Bucky cuts you off.

“My fault?” He fixes his gaze on you, appalled. “It was my hand. We fought off all those soldiers, we were going to be okay, and then I’m the one who hurt you. It should’ve never happened in the first place. I should’ve been more prepared, should’ve never let us get separated…” He stares at his metal arm again. 

Before he can continue rambling, you interject.

“I love you too.”

_Well, that shut him up._

He gawks at you with a stunned expression on his face. Again, you can feel him searching your eyes. You reach out, and he lets you take his hand this time.

“How?” he whispers, barely audible. You run your thumb over the back of his hand.

“You’re amazing, Bucky. No matter what you say, it wasn’t your fault. You saved me.” You smile at him, but you can see he’s hesitant to return it.

“I promised to keep you safe, but I failed you, I hurt you…” he trails off.

“What, do you think I would’ve been safer if you hadn’t taken out those soldiers, if you let them say all of those words? Turned back into the Winter Soldier? Bucky, I can handle an injury. Being trapped with the world’s deadliest assassin and a bunch of enemy agents? Not so much.”

He considers this for a moment, but his guilt and disbelief are evident on his face.

“If you were with anyone else, we wouldn’t have had to worry about that… those damn words—”

“If I was with anyone else,” you interrupt, “I wouldn’t have had a chance of making it out of there. Did you see how many of them you took out? No one else could do that, Buck. That was you. You’re the reason I’m still alive. Stop trying to argue with me, you know you’ll lose.” You grin at him.

The corner of his mouth quirks up. 

“Stubborn as ever,” he quips a little uncertainly. However, he can’t stop a small smirk from appearing on his face. 

You beam at him.

“Come over here.” You shift over as much as you can and pat the space next to you on the hospital bed. He hesitates momentarily, but complies. 

You look up at him, sitting next to you, and he still seems a bit unsure of himself. 

“I meant it, Bucky,” you insist quietly, eyes locked with his shining blue ones. To prove your point, you purposefully take his metal hand in yours, gently pull him down towards you, and softly press your lips to his. 

Pulling back slightly, you see he’s finally broken into a real smile for the first time since you woke up, his eyes crinkling around the edges. 

“I know, doll. So did I.” He kisses the top of your head.

Bucky lays back on the bed and you place your head on his chest, pulling his arm around you. He whispers again that he loves you, and sighs contentedly.

“How long has it been since you’ve actually slept?” You peer up at him and notice that his eyes are closed.

“Since the mission…” he mumbles sleepily as he pulls you closer to him.

“How long ago was that?” you ask, still not sure exactly how long you were out for.

“Mmm… couple days…” 

You scoff at him softly, but decide that that question can wait. Within a few moments, he’s asleep. Soon after, you too fall asleep to the melodic sound of his even breathing.

-

“I guess we can add ‘world’s best wingman’ to my long list of accomplishments,” Tony says, peering in at the two entangled, sleeping bodies through the doorway.

Steve chuckles. “Sure, Stark. Should we wake them and tell them we’re back?”

“Nah, I don’t really want to deal with a half-asleep abominable snowman,” Tony retorts.

“They probably need both could use the rest,” Steve agrees. “I’ll leave a note.”

“Looks like Sleeping Beauty finally found her Prince Charming.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END.
> 
> I put the trigger words in Russian as they're spoken in Russian, I hope they're correct? If they're not, let me know. 
> 
> I hope that was satisfactory. I'm honestly super grateful for the response to my first attempt at writing fics, I know I'm still pretty inexperienced, and I didn't even think I'd get more than a handful or so of kudos/comments/etc. You're all awesome! :D
> 
> I appreciate any kind of feedback so feel free to leave anything in the comments. I'm still learning!
> 
> I've been MIA because of school (I wrote this on midterm break lol) but I finish up in April and will definitely start writing again then. If you've got requests or ideas, feel free to suggest them to me, I'll have a lot of free time, haha. In the meantime, you can hit me up on tumblr if you'd like, ~~my marvel blog is sciencebrosandbucky, and you can find my main and other sideblogs from there if you're interested.~~ (Edit: I rarely use that blog anymore, although you can still follow if you'd like, but please go to winterphantom on tumblr for my fics and for requests) :)
> 
> Have a great night/day!


End file.
